mother

I talked with my mother today. I dont know why but I seem to place the blame for my current dilemma  on her - she passed her shy genes on to me, she was to protective, she didnt give me enough encouragement, shes too shallow, she cares too much about what others think about her and her kids. But I don't know how she could have been any different. I think the whole problem here is me. I am standing in the way of myself, I, my mind, something somewhere inside me is not allowing me to go out and meet people and be happy. I wonder why I can't just realize how to change, I wish I could just step out of my body and see what I look like and what I do from an outside perspective. I'm too in my head. Maybe if I film myself over the course of one whole day, try to have my computer with me, out and open haha. It's jsut so strange. I'm also listening to hs great pandora station chillwave so I cant really think full thoughts right now. I initially hate it when mum says, yes, this is a real problem and you need to get some real help with it. But then she says its OK to talk about ones problems and weaknesses! It's healthy. I guess she might have a point, i used to keep it all bottled up at uvt... aw well. Off to netflix!