saw matt again today and died and fell in love-ish whatever this is again. He said he thought of me and found that paper relating to hands, and I went in to pick it up today, and i'm just so happy that he thought of me outside of seeing me... its like, i'm in someones thoughts, except mine own... he was really nice and wished me a good summer, and said as i was leaving that he was really, really glas that my hand was ok. i said thanks for all your support and left. i couldnt bring myself to tell him that my grandmother died last night... i meant to tell him how i was, but that initial exchange is so fast you know. I fell like it would have humanized me more, and thats exactly what i need with him... but im too smiley, too wanting to make my life sound like the perfect life... i do keep getting that sense that he is an intense, really intelligent, smart guy, i mean obviously hes a college ceramics teacher on tenure track... i think i need to respect that more. its almost like my teenage lust is equal to my not respecting his place. and i feel like he is old fashioned enough to follow rules like that... i really need to stop thinking chick flicks are representative of real life... i think that we can have a mature relationship, a student teacher, boss employee relationship. i think friends is too far. although i am more honest with him that anyone else here at this schoo. sigh.
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