DONE

I. AM. DONE. WITH. FRESHMAN. YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fucking done with this shit man I am out of here. Can't wait to not have to sleep in the same room as my roommate. Gonna get tan, party all night, chill by the pond, read in the shade, relaxxxxxx......... I am such a summer person. My parents named me well.



-Summer

GD.

Whew-weee what a night last night! First time I've been drunk in way too long. It was fun at the time, but it really had three consequences that aren't the greatest: 1) I'M REALLY FUCKING HUNG OVER   2) I realized that I'm no fun without some alchy in me, like I don't talk at all. A little depressing.  3) I have an enormousssss crush on my guy friend. We hung out and watched ufc fighting and talked about deadliest catch and mythbusters and sat really close together.... gaahhhhh. We'll see where that goes!! Oh and a fouth: I have a fucking exam tomorrow at 7:30 in the morning and I cannot see straight no less think straight because I have the worst headache and feel like I'm going to upchuck every second. NOT good. Only thing to do is see how it goes....



-Summer

Rainy Last Day of Many Things!!

Today is the last day of classes!! School's almost over, and really, can you blame me if I am freakin overjoyed out of my mind?! I'm so ready to get out of here.
Today I had my last therapy session also, and it was really sad to say goodbye to Carmen, she has really been a huge help to me. We talked about what my future holds: working on accepting my personality and traits, and becoming "vulnerable"; working on accepting my body, because this is the one I got, and there's nothing I can do about it, and most of all, Carmen says this sumer should be for regeneration and relaxation and mulling over everything I've learned this year. I think I can do that!! Although this whole body image thing has gotten me down over the past few days, looking to the future and the bright things it holds cheers me up. It's gonna be a great summer!!!


-Summer

Maine Farm

Just read the book "Maine Farm" by two lovely people whose names I can't remember - but their book had me in tears. The descriptions of their beautiful, simple, fulfilling life reminded me so much of my childhood and the kind of life that I would like to make for myself in the future - it was all too overwhelming. The photos were absolutely stunning and I could relate to every single one of them. Although I didn't grow up by the seacoast, the climate and everything is pretty much the same, so it leads to a very similar farming experience. I do think living by the Maine seacoast would have even more benefits simply because you would have all the resources (and beauty) of the sea at your front door; seaweed for fertilizer, seafood, beach plants for wild edibles, and most of all, you could SAIL! Maine is by far one of the most beautiful places on the planet. I can remember sailing around the Maine islands with my grandfather on his beautiful Concordia wooden sailboat, each island more beautiful than the next. Then, a couple of years later I did a sailing trip with some kids my age and visited an island that was one of the most captivating, beautiful, amazing places I ever seen in my entire life, the words I write cannot begin to express it's sheer... amzing-ness! Roque Island I believe it's called, and the whole thing's owned by a couple of wealthy blokes who have hired some nice people to build and take care of a farm there. When we rowed ashore, we saw beautiful ponies grazing in the beach grass right on the dunes. The island was enchanting, and totally sustainable, green, organic everything. They let us eat some of their carrots too. It was my dream for a while to pack up and work there... and that dream is starting to come back I think.
All I know is that I am goddamn sure looking forward to getting out of here for a while a starting something new.



-Summer

Leaf-Out Here In BTown...

And I wish I gave a rats ass about it, but it's really the last thing I think about. Such a beautiful time, spring is, but it's the last thing I notice as I wallow in my pathetic-ness day after day. For example, things I accomplished this weekend: watched 100,000 clips of behind the scenes on Glee, watched half of the movie The Beach, and half of Funny Girl, read the entire book The Lady and the Unicorn, ate an entire box of cereal, drank a half a bottle of nyquill... and that is literally all I did. I'm so fucking lazy! Why don't I have any motivation? Why is it so hard for me to exercise? Why don't I like my life... and how can I let something so pathetic as being unhappy with my body get in the way of my happiness? I was looking into breast reduction last night, and it makes me queasy thinking about the actual procedure. It'd be so violating, having someone alter your body in that way. On one hand I really don't think it is right, but then I get really self conscious about my body and can totally see how a healthier looking body would improve the quality of my life. That's the thing too - usually women get breast implants and look really unnatural, and I want to make my unnatural-looking albeit natural breasts look more natural. I like to think I haven't bought into this whole modern body altering craze... but in a way, altering your body in any way is buying into it. And look at the sentence I just wrote before!!! I'm a mess that is absolutely insane to say. This is crazy.



-Summer