You know, I've been thinking, these wishes and all. People say that money doesn't buy happiness, but what if the things that make me happy, can only be had with an excess of money? Thing that make me happy are works of art, beautiful houses, beautiful views, beautiful men (wink). I like possessing things. People THINK that money will make them happy, but I know it as a fact. Spending all this time alone lately I've learned two things: that being surrounded by people who love you is the only way you can be truly happy; and two, the things that make me happy when I'm not surrounded by people I love - see above. If I can't have one I might as well have the other, otherwise what's the point. Finding a rich guy that I love seems to be my ideal outcome right now, then I'll have both. But if that doesn't happen, I can find I guy that I love, regardless of money, and we can have lots of kids and live close to mum and dad and H and R and I can be happy that way, OR marry a rich guy who I don't love, and have him buy me lots of houses and clothes and jewelry and beauty in general, and I can make friends and I'll be fine, I'll still have my family. OR I can come upon a large sum of money myself, then marry I guy that I love. But lets be real, how would I get any money.

Wishes

If I had three wishes, they would be....

1. 10 BILLION DOLLARS in my name is such way that I could access it all and it's legal and unquestioned and everything.

2. A guy who is physically identical to Paul Walker, who is exactly what I want/need in a guy, and who worships me and loves me unconditionally, and will never leave me.

3. The perfect body, you know, the one I always dream of having. Perfectly proportional. My face is the most beautiful it can be without looking too different - bigger eyes, more amazing, captivating, dark, with thick eyelashes. Smaller cheeks, smaller nose. Dark hair with bright natural highlights and naturally wavy. Naturally tan. Strong everywhere. Big butt! Firm belly with some natural pudge. Strong arms, long fingers with perfect long nails. Breasts a size D, prefect, firm, perky. Also able to age gracefully.



aka..
1. Money
2. The Perfect Man
3. The Perfect Me

Tumbly

Hey all, I got a tumblr! I love it. Finally, a place to put all those pics that have been piling up on my desktop... they're just pics that I love, I think you'll like them too. Check it out!


http://summers-midnight-dream.tumblr.com/




Summer

VDAY

More like D Day. Actually, I'm not bitter about Valentines day this year, I never have been really, it's just another day... without love... I mean, I just feel like those people feel today, every day. It's not special. The one time I did have a boyfriend on Valentines day, it was nice actually, he made me truffles. Aw. But he was a sucky boyfriend overall.
So, anyways, mum sent up the nicest package, with chocolates and the 'guess how much I love you' book, from my childhood... I can't imagine anything sweeter, I almost cried. She's so thoughtful, when she wants to be. I texted K, she hasn't replied yet... and I texted H, and she called me, and she sounded ok, a little stressed with everything, homework and all. I hate hate hate to hear her sound sad, it's the worst feeling on the planet. I don't know if it's protective or what. I'm making her a painted mirror for her bday, after this one of mums she saw and liked. I have to get to As painting too! I think I know what I'm going to do now. After 2 years... lol. I also called home and no one anwsered, I hope they call soon... It's funny I almsot feel better calling them, then actually talking to them. Cause I feel good, even though I havn't talked with them. It's so weird.
So, '7 yr itch' just came on netflix instant, so planning on watching that this evening, maybe doing a Marilyn post, after reading art hist (gonna keep up on that this time) and doing some french. I hate french. So, happy v day all, and over and out.

Sums

Stairs.

What is happening today!?! Even time I walk up or down a flight of stairs I think I'm going to skip a step, and my heart flies into my mouth and I falter and almost fall!! It's so bizarre. SO BIZARRE. Maybe I'm over tired.
But, my test went well this morning. And my mummy sent me a valentines day package! She's such a nice person, it made me feel so good. And I needed some chocolates :) Definitely going home this weekend.


Love,
Sums

Oh, oh dear. Up too late, big test tomorrow, cannot sleep... reading Frances Mayes' blog and want to cry. Listening to Norah Jones' first album and want to cry. Reading Way Over Yonder and want to cry. Thinking of H and want to cry. I'm too tired for this, world.  Good thoughts make me cry, bad thoughts make me cry. Why not give me no thoughts at all, those are the easiest to handle. I can't deicide if I want to go home this weekend... it jsut annoys the crap out of me, thinking about it... I feel like it's something I shouldn't have to think about, why can't my matters be of a more exciting, interesting subject? Why is my life so dull?
 I didn't call my grandmother today to wish her a happy birthday. She turned 90.

Friday Night

It's funny how I feel so good staying in on friday and saturday nights... I feel even better when I do something liiiiike watch Spirit or Fantasia or any disney movie and drink tea and curl up in my blanket. These movies are great, they make you feel so good, maybe because they remind you of your childhood. I had the best childhood anyone could dream of. I miss it. 

Friend :(

A guy sat down across the table from me a while back in the library. He took out a book and started to read. He wasn't special in any way, seemed like the most normal guy in the planet. He seemed pretty wrapped up in his book but when he would take a sip of coffee I could see him look at me. Just curious, not suggestive. I snuck glances at him too. I think I fidgeted with my hair too much. Then, he got up and left a minute ago. I watched him go and felt sad. Like a friend was leaving. Funny how strangers can be our companions.

Re-reading

Ah, yes, going over past posts when you can't sleep and have nothing else to do... I know it well. It's funny it's always such a revelation whenever I do that, here or in diaries, because I'm reminded how far I've come and how much I've grown and learned, even in a couple months. I wonder if there will ever be a point when I will stop looking back at past thoughts and feel so far removed from that person who thought them. It's uncomforting; I like things stable and consistent.
I think I've been coming to grips with my vast arsenal of dream and fantasies; such as this one of being grown up and having the perfect mind; I accept them now as things that keep me going, and are natural and dare I say healthy. They keep me going; give me something to look forward to... They are... the only thing I have.

Marilyn

Marilyn is my hero. She was so incredibly beautiful, and what a body. I honestly don't know of another celebrity that is so completely beautiful. It makes you wonder why in the world aren't people with this body type put into magazines and movies? Compared to her, everyone in our popular culture is a sickly, unattractive waif. Long Live Marilyn.

--thoughts--

Ah yes, researching oriental carpets in painting and watching the snow fall and the sun shine at the same time. How strange. I realized today that aunt scarlett is visiting me the same time as the full moon... don't people talk about women being connected to the moon somehow? I wish that those fantastical stories of magic, gods, and spirits were true... life would be so exciting. I just don't believe in anything, so my life is a little uneventful. I've thought that turning to god might be a good idea, but what if I turn to the greek gods? Now THAT would be exciting. Sorry, I've got to go give offerings to Athena at my shrine, I cant go see a movie. It would give me something to do. I wonder if other people are like me. That's one of my biggest questions. but how will I ever know? Theres gotta be. If anything, I'm the most average person on the planet. I was thinking, the right kind of guy for me would be a guy who is looking for some stability, a rock, a grounder, to love him unconditionally and constantly, forever. And who can keep a good house and make a mean steak. I'm not wild or crazy; drama's not my thing. Sorry, didnt mean to turn this into an internet dating site. Back to studying...


Sums

Spring?

Feels like springtime outside! It's amazing how it raises my spirits. Full of thoughts of daffodils, crocuses, robin, turning water, walks down to church street, dreaming of packing up my room and leaving, the greenhouse and the smell of the earth... New beginnings. The sun feels so good and makes you want to be a better person. It infuses you with it's own firey, powerful lustful life force, and you feel alive. It's an amazing feeling for people like me who don't feel a lot of things everyday. This weather, it also makes me think of this summer, the things that are in store, things that could happen, adventures I could have... I really want to drive cross the country, but maybe I'll be in the city, living in a three story townhouse and working a little bit... still, it sounds amazing. And then, the piece de resistance... PARIS!! Everything I do now I feel is in relation to that.



But, it's still winter. And I have a lot of homework to do.