This is hard to write... I guess I have social anxiety disorder. Watched a vid on it last night and it described me exactly. Apparently 5% of americans suffer from it. It's just the fear of looking bad, and avoiding situations where you might look bad, so much so that your quality of life is diminished. Yea. It's kind of relieving to finally put a word to it, what I've been experiencing all these years. And it's relieving to know that there are ways to treat it, a combination of behavioral therapy and medication. I was thinking about my current therapist... she seems very emotion- and feeling-oriented, I don't know if she does this more scientific stuff. But I think that's what would make me feel better, strangely - a doctor treating my condition like a real medical condition. Because it can be fixed. I guess professionalism is something that comforts me. Emotions don't feel ... professional to me. Hm.
SO, I guess I'm dealing with that now. My new exercise routine is going well, it tires me out, jesus, I am so lazy. I hope I can keep this up, god, I need a nice body again. NEED it.
Wish me luck with this shit,



Summer