...but I can't do it, I can't think, I'm just so full of sadness, existential malaise, hopelessness.... and I feel like thats made even worse by the fact that I can't be, I have so much to do, I don't have time to be sad.... and that makes me more sad. Mum just sent me picture of JJ... I miss him, I miss people who love me, I miss loving touches, hugs, backrubs... I miss someone looking me in the eye and really paying attention to what I have to say, or at least caring... my mom is such a good model of that, she is so selfless. I'm so lucky to have her. But I just need more people, more excitement, more happiness, I'm so lost and unhappy and foolish. I'm foolish for letting my life stay like this, a complete lazy fool. Who does that? I'm cowardly, I cannot face my problems, I take the easy way out, life is no good unless you work for what you want. All these stupid societal values seared into my brain that I beat myself up over. For no reason, who gives a crap if people like or do not like me? I should create my own set of values, ones that lead me to happiness, to a sense of fulfillment, to peace, to serenity, to beauty inside and all around me....
-the ever-dreaming,
Sums
No comments:
Post a Comment