I've been on tumblr looking at all these fashion blogs, they are so great and beautiful and I just want to look like all those girls in the pictures. Beauty is SO important to me; it would be a crushing blow if someone told me I could never be beautiful. Because one of the only things that keeps me going is that hope that someday, I might be the perfect, most beautiful person. It's superficial and unrealistic, I know, but it gives me great comfort.

Another thing: I'm going to Paris next year! For the whole year! It's so amazing, yet so daunting. I get these momentary panic attacks every once in a while, where I get so anxious and scared about it, and think why in the hell am I doing this? It'd be so much easier to stay here and do what I know. But I push those thoughts away because I know this will turn me around, I know this will be good for me, and I will finally have a taste of real life. This isn't real life here, I haven't felt good about it here ever. But this, Paris, it's so EXCITING! Think of all there is to see, all there is to learn, and do. I feels right. Unlike here. Mum said it felt like all I've ever done has been leading up to this very moment! She's so happy for me, it's wonderful. There are many things I have to do before I go though - but I'm not worried. Life starts now.



-Sums