Update

So the weight/eating update... this is silly. Anyways:

I eat whatever looks edible in the shitty stores on campus! It's just not fun. You should enjoy food. It's my enemy, how wrong is that. I read books like frances mayes where she talks about the joy and wonder of food, and, growing up on a farm with fresh produce growing outside I understand exactly what shes talking about and that makes it harder to live here with shitty food. I just want to get out of here and grow up and start my real life.
Whew, so. This... method of eating I don't think is doing to many good things to my weight. I don't think I've gained anything since starting but I'm just not happy with it. My obsession with beauty is making this body a little hard to live in. Especially since I know I can be a knockout if I wanted. I mean, I am a knockout! Where the fuck is my confidence. I mean I know I have a couple extra lbs here and there... but I think I dress myself in a way that makes me look good. I think the only thing I never want to change about myself is my eyes. I love my eyes. Also my feet are pretty nice, not deformed like everyone elses. Maybe my legs too, without all these extra lbs... I would always get compliments on my great legs when I was younger and skinnier. but I feel like the torso really makes the body and thats what I'm lacking. Or rather have too much of ha. I wonder if plastic surgery should ever be considered. Hm. If I was older, and had a rich husband, heres what I'd do: lipo on thighs and tummy, add some to my backside, a little off my arms. Breasts to a size D. Maybe something with my face, take off extra fat and tighten up around the jaw/neck. Oh i would get some fake/real/permanent nails. I would get some fake hair extensions or something so my hair was fuller. I mean I wouldn't be that different it would just be like I...lost...weight. Maybe, instead of spending all that money....I could try to lose that weight. actually. with some sweat, it never hurt anyone. Think I'll delete this.



Summer