Shitty. Day.

It was a nice weekend, my sister visited.  But it was tough because seeing her made me want to go home , or rather be anywhere  but here. And then I said good bye to her this morning and had to run off to my 4 classes in a row. I ended up skipping the last one because I was so fed the fuck up. It's such a hectic long schedule, how the fuck do I get anything done? I don't end up eating lunch at all. And I just felt like everything was sucking all day. So I came home, hoping talking to mom or someone would cheer me up, but of course, mom was all preachy and saying how i need some serious help, p, you really need to fix things bla bla. and yea, that made me feel great. What could she say tho? And maybe I do need help. I feel like I'm not living my life. Like I'm not present, I'm just waiting for something. I think all I need is a guy. A guy would make me live in the present, give me something to live for. This is getting to a pretty bad point I think. Think about the poor poor guy I date next. Literally the first thing I'm gonna say to him is, um, so I'm interested in marriage. haha gone. But what can I do? I do things, trying to be comfortable and happy with my currant situation, but they are "bad" apparently and are making me worse and worse and more and more anti-social. and what is my problem anyways? I'm not antisocial, i just...see i don't even know. And what the fuck is a counselor going to say? live in the present, I KNOW, give me some exercises things to practice, I never fucking do those. I don't know the only outcome I see is medication. mehhh.