Thoughtz

My good friend called me up the other day, and we talked for hours. We haven't been keeping in touch lately, both starting college and all, but I was really happy that she called. I had really forgotten how similar  we are, in ideas, opinions, actions, and most things. I think one of the biggest differences between her and I is that she is more VULNERABLE. She wears her emotions and personality on her sleeve, what you see is what there is. Whereas with me, there are many layers. I think that is why she is better off than I, even though she might not know it right now, with all her boy troubles.
But anyways, as I was talking with her, I started to feel really good about my situation, like, yea, I'm not the only one wit these thoughts!! I'm not totally alone here!! There is someone out there who really cares about me. It gave me hope, that I can live with myself, and still have friends, and function and have a good life. Look at mom. I think she is very very similar to me personality-wise, and look at her amazing life, and how happy she is right now. And she still has so many years to live this great life. With all these great things that I'm learning in therapy, maybe that will help me accept who I am a little faster than mom did, and maybe live an even better life. I have so many talents and interests and possibilities ahead of me... I could do anything.
So, I was going with that train of thought, while simultaneously thinking this one: I don't need therapy!! I don't need to change! Why do I want to be a loud, partying college girl anyways? I should make do with what I have. I always have the tendency to want what I don't have, thinking the grass is always greener on the other side. When sometimes it isn't. Learning to live with what god gave you is one of the biggest lessons everyone has to learn in life, and I shouldn't be an exception. It's hard, yes, but struggle and mistakes are what makes us stronger and builds our character.
So thats where my heads at. I really hope I'm not just trying to justify wanting to stay in my comfort zone  of being shy and hanging out with my old friend...



-Summer