The Touch

I had a weird experience yesterday. I was in art, and we are painting self portraits. My teacher (an older woman mind you) came over to give me some tips on my painting. She starting drawing on the photo of me I'm using as a guide, tracing the lines of my face and shoulders... and I got the weirdest feeling, it was like someone was actually touching me, or that someone was paying that close attention to my body... I honestly haven't had anyone do that in years. It wasn't sexual necessarily, but it was moving. That's kind of pathetic isn't it. It just makes me think of how fucking incredible it will be when I finally actually hook up with someone again. In real life this time. Anyways, weird I know, but I need to put it somewhere so I'll stop thinking about it. So in other news, the big Halloween dance is coming up this weekend and, as per usual, I am making plans to get the fuck out of here. Even though, huh, it might be fun to have a fun night, or huh, I do have an actual costume in mind (spanish dancer!) but nope. I just don't like the idea, it's a lot of preassure. And plus, I can't stay here this weekend and not join in the festivities because literally, everyone goes to this dance. Everyone. So, t-side it is. No way I'm going home either. Kind of done with that place. Plus, doesn't that sound nice? T-side and I have a long history of my being there alone, its kind of my thing. I think it's going to be rainy, so fireplace, tea, books, paints, some homework, movies... all without drunk, slutty idiots everywhere I look. I was thinking that it might be kind of spooky to be there near Halloween all alone... but in Maine Farm, they were saying how Halloween is just when souls return to their previous dwellings, to come out of the cold and enjoy warmth and a good meal. That isn't so bad is it? The whole idea of honoring the dead is so interesting, it is such an old concept and something that is totally not done anymore. Life nowadays has no mystery, no superstition, no excitement really. It's all explained, all scentific. I'm guilty of liking that strait forwardness, in all honesty, i dont know if it's just my personality or the times. 'The Times' that is such a important idea that we ahve been discussing in a lot of my classes - how it is the time not the person who is responsible for their actions. It's funny because I honestly think it's a bit of both. This idea of academia, of scholars trying to figure out why we act what we do, and explaining everything, is so funny, it's so, just, unnecessary. WHO CARES let's just live. I doubt humans could survive if we had nothing to do. We are such a strange species. Ah, the questions of life.

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