Things Found in Nature

I've realized that I'm....... god I forgot what I was going to write. f. That I'm what.... judgmental, stuck up, think I'm better than everyone, selfish...honestly these are the things that come to mind.Ah-ha i got it. it's much less harsh than that.  I was thinking how I think that I love the outdoors so much because it remind me of home. I have some sort of nostalgic obsession with my home, and anything that reminds me of it, it just fills me with such peace, such happiness, such confirmation that everything is going to be ok because I have a place like that in my life. Right now I have the Ox Cart Man and Yonder sitting on my bookshelf... I dont read them much but whenever i see them or even think of them i'm filled with that same, love, it's love. It sad that love is only a feeling i can access through memory, i cant feel it in person...  how does it feel to love and be loved, in the moment? a romantic love, not familial? I bet its great. Can you guys tell me? I want to imagine it, because I think thats as close as I will ever get.