I just had an awful thought: what if I just am like this, period, and it is impossible for me to succeed in any social situation, cause i just dont have that base confidence, that apparently some people are born with? Like, I just cant function normally, so what if all this.... my...entire life... is just, not really worth it, a fighting cause? I can't understand what in the world my family sees in me. Why do they still keep rooting for me? Yea, I've gotten some good grades... and they do bring that up most of the time.... but like what good have i show, HUMAN-like? Yea, I'm glad my parents didn't give me much direction so I could figure things out by myself, or I will be glad in the long run, but this fucking sucks. I literally wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I hate every single feeling I'm feeling right now, every single thought that comes into my head, I don't trust them, I don't trust any action I do, or any words my family says. How does anyone my age not commit suicide??!?? Props to everyone who is older than 25!! I salute you and your other worldly bravery and courage that are necessities in order to survive this time. Fuuuuuuck.