Late Nite

Ran out of advil pms yesterday, and had such a busy day today, i couldn't make it to the pharmacy. Tried to sleep tonight, but literally, there were so many thoughts in my head, I couldn't even close my eyes. I think it might have been partly mental too... on well thats what i do, think. So, i got fed up, got up, dressed, and drove to the 24/7 price chopper in town. It was much needed, to get some more advil pm but also to clear my head. I like it when no one is on the road, just you. I also walked by a big container of strawberries and couldn't resist. They're probably one of my favorite foods, they make me completely happy. But lying in bed earlier, I was having all these big thoughts. Like how maybe it'd be nice to take next year off, get a job, chill. I'm just so hesitant about sm, and i hate it here... i mean why do i keep undermining myself and my gut feelings? why can't i listen to them?? Again with the constant battle between the RIGHT thing to do and what i FEEl like doing. Heart vs. Head. I was also thinking about the world problems, how, if i put my mind to it, i could probably find a reasonable solution to most of them. Or at least find out what the roots are. I have a mind that works that way, deals with the big picture and thinks things through to the end. I just have this social disability thing... what if a mind like mine is wasted? isn't that true of most geniuses, though, they have a hard time socially. But then, I was listening to that new fleet foxes song, about orchards, and how maybe the right thing to do is give up humanity, civilization, and go live on a farm in the countryside. Because I feel like if I tried to solve the worlds problems all i would come up with is that humans, as a species, are fatally flawed. And theres nothing that an ardent speaker, an internet website, a tv show, a book could do about it. Maybe just living your life the way that makes you happy, away from corrupting society, would be good for the soul, and would make your short stay on this earth the best it could be. But then, zoom in a thousand times, back to me, i also was thinking more about a br, and how that keeps coming up, and how maybe to live this life of fulfillment and happiness, I might need smaller ahems, just a comfortable body overall. I long to exercise, really do, I've realized how important it is... but I cannot. I don't know if it would give me confidence or not, but I do believe that it would get me closer to where I want to be.
aw well, advil pm is kicking in.


-Sums