I've known about my transfer acceptance for weeks now and I just told my best/only friend about it now. She was really happy for me. I've also had the deposit and acceptance confirmation sitting on my desk for weeks now too, and just can't seem to be able to find an envelope. I wish I knew why. This is a door that's opening up for me, opening up to a thousand new possibilities, a life I actually would enjoy living, full of friends and laughter. Why would I ever want to close that door and continue on this unhappy, lonely path that leads nowhere? What makes the most sense to me is the heart/present over head/future thing. I think my heart is thinking about all the worry I'm going to go through, all the awkwardness, and it doesn't want to go through that, however short it might be. Even a little bit feels bad. But my head knows that in the long run, it could have nothing but good outcomes. Only good things could come of this. I'll be getting a degree, I'll be meeting new people, I'll be developing that social aspect of life, opposed to the academic/intellectual part, which I think I've gotten down these past two years. In life, you always have to be moving forward, and this is the only option I am presented with right now that leads that way. It's all very logical isn't it, almost scientific rules. I think that way, but all my actions up until now have been with my heart. I do things that feel good. Maybe that's why I'm such at odds with myself, because I have these two different things inside of me. Or maybe, I've thought with my heart this whole time, and only now am I realizing the logic part of me, and I'm trying to incorporate that into my life. Do people ever go through life just going off feelings? I wonder how they say no to anything. Say yes to anything. I feel like you'd get hurt a lot but also feel really good a lot too. But, that's not me at all, I'm right in the middle... you know, maybe I'm trying to figure out that balance between head and heart right now. That's why I'm so at odds with myself. Ah, the balance. I remember once I wanted to get the golden mean symbol, or numbers tattooed somewhere. Haha what? I was just thinking about that balance, and it's true, the golden mean is an amazing thing. On the other hand, I'm just glad I'm not in that tattoo phase anymore... But, I havn't found that golden mean yet. But I do believe, with all of my head, I'm on the right track.