I realized today that my mouth waters when I see something I want. Not food anymore, food is my mortal enemy. But other things. My mouth watered when I thought of the the scent of lilacs blooming at home. When I saw the scene of the full moon rising over the prairie in days of heaven. When I think of baking my mum a mothers day cake. When I think about having a house with a wall of windows and a chaise lounge and a rose garden. When I think about my forbidden affair with M. When I think about watching the storm roll in on the top of cemetery hill. When I think of dancing with my sister for hours at our cousins wedding when we were ten. When I dream about being beyonce. (shes a goddess reincarnate, i'm convinced) When I think about being the object of someones fantasy.
Basically, I'm so deprived of LIFE in general that my body has a physical reaction whenever I entertain the idea of living. It's sad I suppose. But I'm hoping that the path I'm on is the right one, and will get me where I want to go.
No comments:
Post a Comment