Mental

i like the mentalist... rather, i did, it was one of my obsessions, but now jane is kind of like james, i had a moment of realization in class today - snobby, egotistical... but in the show today everyone kept saying, you cant be alone, its the worst thing in the world to be alone. And, at first i disagreed... but its true. i thought it was stressful / awful socializing, but now, after almost my entire college career, ive realized that the alternative is much, much worse. also, my hand hurts more than ever before, the wound opened up. i love oxy, it helps me sleep and makes me feel fluffy. i hope i dont get addicted. i did some hw today, i feel good about that, and mum sent me an easter package - it was just like home... i miss old traditions at home, my childhood... i idealize but not too much. shes offering to come visit this weekend... as much as i dont want to be a bother i would love that more than anything in this  world. i need someoe to hold my hand during this hard time. and since i dont have a friend... my mum is close enough. better, i would  argue. h was talking today about boyfriend troubles...i can visualize it, but i cant feel it... ive never felt those pains of love. i bets it saves me a lot, i dont think i would fare tat well in the wars of love, i think im too, i dont know, caring? i smelled spring today, the breeze was strong and there was a light rain - now there something i understand, nature.